Today I read a blog post that I have followed for some time and the emotion was overwhelming.
Many years ago I spent some time in Bandera, TX. I can say I had many fun times there and met some people that are still my friends today. One couple I happened to meet I had not heard from in years. They were the fun bunch. A young couple with a sweet little daughter and a big dream of restoration for a local establishment called the Cabaret. I had many fun nights in that old honky tonk and saw countless shows and made countless memories. We all scattered from that little hill country town and within the last year I had reconnected with them on facebook. Like most fb connections, I have kept up with their lives through the internet.
I noticed last October Kimberly had posted she was pregnant and it was a BOY! She was due a month or so before me but it was pretty close to the time we would be looking for our Tate. Halloween came and shortly after I noticed their son had been born. He weighed less than 1 pound as was at the 23 week mark when he made his first appearance into the world. His dad Matthew started a blog, and as it usually does, struck a chord with me...today especially hard.
BLOG - My Son Will Keep Shining
Entry -My Wife/His Mother
http://prayersforcash.blogspot.com/2012/09/my-wifehis-mother.html
I think one of the biggest parts of the connection I felt when reading was when Matthew talks about Kimberly being upset that Cash seemed absent on their walk. I know the feeling of trying to capture every moment of your child when you're with them and a working parent, or someone that just cannot be there all of the time for them. I cried on the way to work yesterday when I realized I had run out the house so quickly that morning for an appointment that I had not gone to kiss my son goodbye in his crib. I also knew because of a late night meeting, he would probably be asleep again when I got home. I knew exactly what Kimberly was feeling...but did I????
Of course not. I know as a mother of a baby son how many times I wake in the night to look at the video monitor to be sure I can see his back raise up and down to be sure he is still breathing. If I can't really see his position in the crib very well from the monitor, I go to the room to be sure he hasn't wedged himself in a corner, or wrapped himself too tightly in the blanket. When he plays I constantly worry about sharp edges on the book, or his ability to sit up and not bonk his head. When I think about all of these things, I know it is the general worries of a mother. I do not know the worries of a mother with a child with CP. I do not know what she is feeling. I do not know what it is like to have the worries and concerns that I have amplified to the power of thirty...or more.
What a blessing it is for Cashton Wyatt to have these folks for parents.
Lord,
I ask that you watch over this little boy and his family. I will keep in the faith in YOU and YOUR plans for them. Please watch over my family as well, and let us not take forgranted all YOU have provided for us. -Amen
I try very hard not to wonder WHY. I just stated i would have faith. I do. Yet I'm human, and I lay in bed at night and wonder why some are sick. Why can't Kayla and Travis conceive a baby they so desperately want? Why was I given a healthy son and Matthew and Kimberly will forever fight the battles of CP with their baby?
I find some rest in the fact that this is not my gig to plan. He knows the answers and that is all I need to know. When I read "My Son will Keep Shining" I see the endurance of a family of FAITH. It inspires me to reach out further to HIM, hold my baby and not take for granted any day given to us, and to realize the miracle that every child truly is.
